[Yeah, that's a hard question to answer. Even though he said it isn't suffering, thanks to her being there... There's no denying the way it burns in the back of his mind, regardless.
But he still pulls her a little closer, burying his face in her hair.]
Being with you makes the pain bearable. I can't lie to you and say that it is gone in its entirety... but it's smaller, and it's bearable. Because I'm with you.
Ol Siaion... I hope you realize you're earning that pet name more and more every day. That said -
Please, don't push yourself for me. It's something else that I have come to terms with, over the last decade. And... I feel it would do a disservice to your boyfriend, were I able to enjoy the stars again so freely.
[Even more, he buries himself against her.]
... Those were the only times I went stargazing. ... With him. On the nights that I gave him his scars.
I apologize to make up for the insult toward your boyfriend. To say you don't want to know someone - that's rude, isn't it? Rude and hurtful. It's worth apologizing for.
[Said as he tilts his head a bit, freeing his face from where he's buried it in her hair - just enough that he can look at her from the side of his eye, glowing pink-orange in the dark.]
... I... would like that. So long as it's with you.
You say that as if I don't do that every minute of the day. My feelings, at least, are transient at best. Irrational and false at worst.
[... But he's also going to follow that up by cupping a hand around her cheek so he can give her a little peck. Just a teensy one.]
I appreciate that about you, however. That you take them seriously, despite how easy it is for my feelings to be nothing more than a facade like the rest of me.
Well, of course. I would expect nothing less from Ol Siaion. And I will... endeavor to do the same for you. Otherwise, I'd simply be a bug, wouldn't I? Lacking honey like that.
Unless you plan to use this against me in some way. And asking me to care for myself better is using it against me. I know my flaws, you can't loophole through them.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
... But after a moment, he returns it regardless.]
It isn't suffering. ... I'm with you.
no subject
[That even being reminded of the moment of his death wouldn't hurt?]
did the thing where i didnt hit post again
[Yeah, that's a hard question to answer. Even though he said it isn't suffering, thanks to her being there...
There's no denying the way it burns in the back of his mind, regardless.
But he still pulls her a little closer, burying his face in her hair.]
Being with you makes the pain bearable. I can't lie to you and say that it is gone in its entirety... but it's smaller, and it's bearable.
Because I'm with you.
happens to the best of us
But I wish I could give you back the stars the way they were before. -No, I want to give them to you better than before.
alas, it absolutely does
That said -
Please, don't push yourself for me. It's something else that I have come to terms with, over the last decade.
And... I feel it would do a disservice to your boyfriend, were I able to enjoy the stars again so freely.
[Even more, he buries himself against her.]
... Those were the only times I went stargazing. ... With him.
On the nights that I gave him his scars.
no subject
He wouldn't begrudge you the stars. He still stargazes, all the time. You didn't ruin that for him.
[It's Louis, so she feels the need to make that clear.]
no subject
...
Why...? After -
After all that I did to him under the stars, why would he find himself drawn to them...?
no subject
no subject
I don't want to know him.
...
My apologies. I know how much you love him.
no subject
-But. Maybe if you had more memories of stargazing that weren't just those ones, memories with me, it would hurt less for you too? Gradually.
no subject
Rude and hurtful.
It's worth apologizing for.
[Said as he tilts his head a bit, freeing his face from where he's buried it in her hair - just enough that he can look at her from the side of his eye, glowing pink-orange in the dark.]
... I... would like that. So long as it's with you.
no subject
Of course. I'll be with you to soothe your aches. -I'd like that, too.
no subject
... That you recognize your presence is a balm around me further proves you've well earned that pet name, if you ask me.
no subject
no subject
But you haven't denied it, which is, in itself, a form of recognition. Isn't it?
no subject
no subject
Irrational and false at worst.
[... But he's also going to follow that up by cupping a hand around her cheek so he can give her a little peck.
Just a teensy one.]
I appreciate that about you, however. That you take them seriously, despite how easy it is for my feelings to be nothing more than a facade like the rest of me.
no subject
They matter to me, even if they don't matter to you. I want to make you happy as much as I possibly can.
no subject
[Another little kiss, because of course that thought gets a kiss with it.]
... Just being by your side is often enough.
no subject
[Can't get lazy about it!]
no subject
Otherwise, I'd simply be a bug, wouldn't I? Lacking honey like that.
no subject
no subject
Anything for you. You know that, don't you?
I would do anything for you.
no subject
[Playing with his hair again.]
no subject
[...]
Unless you plan to use this against me in some way. And asking me to care for myself better is using it against me.
I know my flaws, you can't loophole through them.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
1/2;
2/2;
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)